Don't handicap your children by making their lives easy.

                     Don't handicap your children by making their lives easy.
                                                                                                         ― Robert A. Heinlein           

Most of the people of my generation grew up wanting- or pining ,to use a stronger word. And I remember that my desires were simple- a geometry box, a colouring book or an Archie’s comic. And these were not granted immediately.' Instant gratification' was a word unheard of. I think my mom believed that postponing the purchase would either decrease the cost of the object or make the wish go away or I would find ways to manage without it.
Now when my son comes and tells me that he has to buy his Science text book again after losing losing two of his previous ones in a period of three months, and the term is getting over in three weeks- I stare at him incomprehensively. The books I studied from had passed from one year to another and were bought 'second hand' at half the price and resold next year at half the price.Of course the curriculum didn't change so frequently and that helped the recycling of books.

When my kids insisted two years back that I should get them enrolled in a summer activity camp being organised in our city,I happily agreed. Anything to make the kids and me get up at 5.30am in the morning during their summer break, found my approval. The problem wasn't the fees either. It was the way of getting the two of them to the campsite.I couldn't trust my driving skills in the mad traffic of the city.So we hired a driver for the kids and he came pretty expensive.A week into the camp, the novelty wore off and the hassle of getting up before sunrise took its toll. I increasingly found waking the kids up and bundling them in the car inspite of their tantrums and protests very difficult.Till, one morning we did some calculations. Added all the expenses and divided it by the number of days of the camp. And we came to the conclusion that every time the kids didn't go to the camp, we lost the 'quotient' amount of money. My husband who overheard our conversation accused me of being mean and protested that he was earning enough to get everything the kids wanted. But good sense prevailed and children never again complained about being made to get up at 5.30 am in the morning during their summer break.

I teach in a boarding school and the students come from affluential backgrounds. A majority of the kids lack the drive, the spark to achieve. During PTM when I tell the parents that they must learn to deprive their child of  privileges sometimes, desist from instantly gratifying the child's wishes- I get mixed reactions.Today, as over indulgent parents, we succumb to every demand of our kids - it could be a guilt feeling of not having given the quality time to them. Or living as we do in nuclear families, we think kids are the reason we are earning.The child who gets all his whims and fancies gratified, becomes more demanding and selfish.
I have found such kids to be very self- centred, uncaring and insensitive.
I would rather be human and not a sacrificing mother. Let the kids know that even I have some needs.Let the kids pine for some unfulfilled desire.Let them learn to reciprocate my affection, share their candies with me, and realise that 'money does not grow on tree'.